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We live in a world that cherishes confidence.

Yet, speaking from experience as a 23 year old female, it is the one thing that I wish I had in abundance, but I don’t.
I spend a lot of time obsessing over appearance and how I presented myself in society, wishing it could be effortless. But it’s not. Often, many things that shape who we are are mountains you climb one step at a time, and they don’t come easy.

These are the 10 things I wish I learned sooner.

1. Learn.

Huxley said, Try to learn something about everything and everything about something.

I had lost count of how many times I felt inferior to other people, whether in the workplace, amongst my peers, or at a networking event.

Everyone else seemed to be more accomplished than I am at my age, or have accomplished a lot more. Being a multipotentialite and a generalist, I struggle to stick to one skill and finesse it. I am a Jane of all trades. And this is an advantage.

Knowing a little about everything helps me be a chameleon in most conversations. It gives me solid footing to be knowledgable in things I am speaking about, and directly boosts my confidence.

2. Enunciate your words. Speak slower.

Most of us forget the power of articulation.

When you say and pronounce things clearly and correctly, you come across as articulate. When you are articulate, you immediately give the impression of intelligence and capability.

You are the window through which your message to the world passes on.  For me, this mainly translates to my writing and my voice. If your audience, - in this case society - cannot understand you, your message gets lost. On top of pronouncing your words, speak slower.

When you speak slower, you give your mouth and verbal speech a chance to catch up to your brain and its thoughts that moves at lightning speed, reducing the use of filler words such as “Um” and “Like” in your speech.

3. Stand straight.

Posture is important. 
I have seen people part crowds simply by standing straight, tall and looking forward. No more than that. I’m not saying that’s all it takes, but it gives you massive headway.  Slouching gives the feeling that you’re not strong against, hiding from, dispassionate about, - and all of these does not convey confidence.

4. Smile.

A smile truly is the universal language.  It opens up eye contact, conversations and from there, your network. Something very mundane, very benign. Keep it simple. Smile.

5. Take care of yourself first.

Make a list of all the habits you’d like to cultivate.
Start with three or seven. Don’t be too ambitious and delve into “good habits to have”, because if you begin with ten habits right off the bat, likelihood is, you’ll drop them before you even give them a chance to take root.
Off the top of my head, some good habits you can start cultivating now:

• Have a routine. Put personal development first. Read. Listen to audiobooks.
• Move. Walks, runs, workouts. Move everyday. Begin small and grow.
• Eat well.
• Sleep well.
• Be on time.
• Time-block. I cannot stress how time-blocking can increase your productivity and overall self-esteem.

When your routine starts to come together, you will begin to see your life falling together.

6. Have a sense of humour.

Life gets mighty hard when you don’t have a sense of humour.
Speaking as someone who does not have a funny bone in their body, I have had a hard time making people laugh. This meant that I had to memorise dad jokes off of the internet (which I do not recommend.) 
Watch a few comedy movies and series, know what you like, know what you don’t. From there, it will develop naturally.

7. Respond, don’t react.

Keep your composure at all times. 
Your anger is a part of you that loves and respect you. However like most emotions, it is not a good basis for your actions. 
Base your actions on your reasons instead of emotions. Feelings are fleeting, but your reactions mirror who you are to the world.
I also have learned that you are fully, wholly allowed to not know. Don’t be hesitant to say, “Let me get back to you re: question.”, and it is okay to say no. There are many ways to refuse and say no to things that does not resonate with you and/or crosses your boundaries.

8. Teach people how to love and respect you.

If you’re like me, you have wished that to be loved and respected should come naturally to people. After all, it was only natural for us.
Sadly, it is often not. 
You are allowed to show people how to love you. Everyone’s language is different, and that is something we all often forget. If you do not first teach them, they may never know how to love and respect you.

9. Be of service.

Am I doing this for them or for me?
It doesn’t matter. Really. Regardless of the motive ,—being of service helps everyone involved.
Doing esteemable things boosts your self-esteem. It is as simple as that.
When you wake up, start getting into the mindset of “How can I be of service today?”, “How can I help people today?”
You may not know how to do it right away. But even the habit of thinking and reframing how you can be of service to people will slowly but surely prompt opportunities for you to be helpful and make you see it when before you would miss them completely. 
The more you do it, the more it will become easier to you.
Bonus if you don’t tell anyone how you were of service to society that day.

10. Presentability: Dress well.

My father once said, “Whatever I am dressed in going out of the house, is something I can accept being dead in.”
That really spoke to me, and left a lasting impression.
What I wear is an immediate physical representation of me in the eyes of society. When I dress well, I feel better. I feel more presentable (which is a very non-tangible feeling to describe) and I feel like I can be more surefooted when I go about my day. I am also then prepared to network should I come across people from my industry.

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That’s all I have for you today. I hope these subtle changes can help you be more confident.